How to Have Difficult Conversations With Your Partner

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In life, difficult conversations will inevitably arise. Sometimes we will be required to be the communicator, and in other instances we will be the receiver of bad or disappointing news. Difficult conversations shouldn’t be avoided just because they’re tough. In fact, avoidance only makes matters worse. There are certainly several different ways to approach challenging conversations with your partner, many of which are recommended, while others are openly discouraged. Those who take the time to learn how to handle difficult conversations will see their communication and overall relationships improve, not just with their partners, but with family and friends too. So, without further ado, let’s discuss how to have difficult conversations with your partner.

Tone of Voice

Most believe that the key to having a successful difficult conversation is to be mindful of the words you use. While this is true, tone of voice also plays a huge role in keeping conversations calm and productive. As humans, we’re capable of determining the sentiment of a conversation within a matter of seconds - even when very few words have been spoken. This is because the tone of voice we choose can instantly communicate how we’re feeling and also influence how others respond.

Difficult conversations should always be approached with a calm and relaxed tone of voice, even when what you’re discussing is disappointing or infuriating. If you need some time to calm down before delivering bad news, you should absolutely take it. Heading into a conversation with a stressed or overwhelmed mind will only make the conversation harder.

Just as it is important to start every conversation with a relaxed and welcoming voice, it is equally crucial to maintain this tone of voice throughout. It’s likely that your partner may be reactive when you share the news, and may even take their frustrations out on you. It will be tough, but remaining composed and supportive even in these instances will help to make the conversation much smoother.

Be Prepared

Preparation can not only make you feel more confident heading into a difficult conversation but will also help you to have some control over how it plays out. It’s important to be prepared for conversations with your partner that involve financial, legal or personal matters, as these can often be sensitive topics with significant consequences if not discussed appropriately.

When financial pressures are involved with difficult conversations between you and your partner, they must be clear and finish with some sort of resolution, especially when couples are faced with decisions about their futures together. A UK Government review reported that 58% of surveyed applicants who had experienced separation because of the family visa financial requirements said it had negatively affected their relationship with their partner. This statistic shows the importance of being prepared for difficult conversations with your partner, particularly for couples navigating the UK spouse visa process, so that you are able to set expectations early and work through challenges together.

Focus On A Single Issue

You may only have one issue to speak with your partner about, but in many cases, individuals will have several different topics to share and lots to get off their chests. It’s easy for conversations to last over hours or even days when the topic feels confusing and contradictory. By focusing on a single issue at a time, couples can discuss how they feel and come to a resolution before discussing other matters, which are often entirely separate. When discussing important topics, it’s also important to communicate with ‘I’ statements to speak from your own experience and emotions. This can help to shift the focus from personal attacks and accusations to how individuals feel.

Finish With A Solution

Even the calmest and honest conversations can be unproductive if they don’t result in a resolution. With so much love and emotion in conversations between couples, it's easy to steer away from the topic and solve the argument but not necessarily the core problem. To handle difficult conversations with your partner better, make sure every discussion closes with a solution, one that ideally gives both individuals something they can improve on or something they’re responsible for. Solutions should be decided together, rather than by one individual who tells their partner what to do - this can feel strict and unfair. Finally, you may both benefit from sealing conversations with gratitude or reassurance, either to one another or your relationship as a whole. Perhaps consider sending them a heart-felt text or romantic message to show them you’re grateful you could come to a resolution.